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Am I the only one who measures time using songs? “Oh it only took me 4 songs to get here! that’s not too long!

You are not a pear, you are not an hourglass, you are not an apple; you are a human being, with bumps and crevices and scars. You are a million shapes rolled into one. You are a universe within yourself. You are a human being, and you are magnificent.

*hears noises at night*:
well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*:
I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*:
I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*:
here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*:
don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*:
great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*:
I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
*period is late*:
shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary

me:
okay it's 7 am
me:
I should get up
me:
just five seconds
me:
five minutes
me:
five hours
me:
five days
me:
five years

fishingboatproceeds:

feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelix:

jklawls:

I’m sorry but if you don’t think John Green randomly showing up sometimes is the best thing on Tumblr, you are wrong.

im just waiting for him to show up on this post

wait for it…wait for it…

sexybritishwhale:

shinimasu:

A tree’s root system merges with a brick walkway

this actually makes me feel sick D:

adriofthedead:

sknnyasfckkk:

from-fatass-to-hourglass:

One day my daughter might come up to me and say, “Mom, I’m fat/ugly/whatever.”
And I will take her to the grocery store. I’ll show her all of the different sizes and shapes of her favorite fruits. And I’ll tell her, “Now, what’s more important? The way the fruit looks, or the way the fruit tastes?” And she’ll say, “Well, I guess the way they taste is more important.” And I’ll say, “That’s right. It doesn’t matter what size you are or how you look on the outside, as long as you’re sweet and delicious on the inside. Because you can be the prettiest looking apple in the whole store, but if you’re rotten on the inside then they will just spit you out.”

^ that’s a very good analogy

so remember kids
no matter what you look like on the outside
someone is still going to eat you